Are Urhobo men really polygamous by nature?

By Owede Agbajileke

It appears there’s a gang up against the Urhobos to push the narrative that our men are either ‘polygamous’ by nature or not to be dated in the first instance.

Recently, a video surfaced on the Internet of a girl in her early 20s painting all Urhobomen with one brush. This young lady who should be an undergraduate, literally swore not to date Urhobomen.

“I don’t know who created them but it’s not Jesus. Urhobo men, no no. It’s not happening…. Urhobo men will make you cry and make you lick your tears. I won’t consider (dating) them. They don’t used to (sic) get money like that sef”, she told an obviously ecstatic interviewer.

The first question from a discerning mind is to know the number of Urhobo men she dated to arrive at this sweeping statement. Unfortunately, the reactions of fellow Urhobo girls gave us out. Most Urhobo ladies aligned with the young girl’s hasty generalization, stereotype and threw caution to the wind to cast aspersion on their kinsmen. It was as though they were waiting for an opportunity to take their pound of flesh. How sad.

Sadly, this has further strengthened the false narrative that Urhobo men are ‘highly polygynous by nature’.

For clarity, polygamy refers to a person (male or female) being married to two or more people at the same time while polygyny is when a man, in particular, is married to two or more women at the same time. These two words would be used interchangeably in this discourse.

If we must be honest with ourselves, polygyny is not an exclusive preserve of the Urhobos. Prominent Biblical figures had more than one wife, such as in the instances of Esau (Gen 26:34; 28:6-9), Jacob (Gen 29:15-28), Elkanah (1 Samuel 1:1-8), David (1 Samuel 25:39-44; 2 Samuel 3:2-5; 5:13-16), and Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3), who had a harem of 700 wives and 300 ‘side chics’ or concubines if you like. Definitely, these personalities are not Urhobomen.

I have lived in major cities in Nigeria and interacted with friends across most ethnic groups to realise that other ethnic groups in Nigeria tend to be polygamous just like the Urhobos. We are just a microcosm of the larger Nigerian society that practices polygamy. So why make a great fuss about it and single us out?

Like in other ethnic groups in our country, while polygamy is fast declining due largely to unhealthy rivalry, adultery has gained momentum. The proliferation of side chics, slay queens bears testament to this. An average Nigerian married man would rather have a side chic than a second wife. Again, this is not exclusive to the Urhobos, neither does this writer encourage extramarital affairs.

It amounts to double standard to crucify Urhobomen when their counterparts from Anaguta (Plateau), Anang (Akwa lbom), Awori (Lagos, Ogun), Hausa (Bauchi, Borno, Jigawa, Kano, Kastina, Kebbi,Taraba, Sokoto, Zamfara etc), Ayu (Kaduna), Bachama (Adamawa), Bachere (Cross River), Bade (Yobe), Esan (Edo), Etche (Rivers), Etolu (Benue), Gwari (Kaduna, Niger, Abuja, Plateau), Yoruba (Kwara, Lagos, Ogun, Ondo, Oyo, Osun, Ekiti, Kogi), Ogori (Kwara) and a host of others, have the same polygamous DNA.

While I admit that our fathers practised polygyny with reckless abandon, this culture is gradually changing amongst modern day fathers. Among my circle of friends from Urhobo, Isoko for instance, none is a polygamist. The reason is not far-fetched: the demerits far outweigh the merits.

Today, one of the presidential candidates of a major political party in Nigeria is a polygynist – with four wives to his kitty – but everyone respects his choice in the mainstream or New Media. People know when not to cross the red line regardless of their disagreement with him on some national issues. But the case would have been different if it’s an Urhobo/Isoko man in that exalted position. Our own people in their republican nature, would be the first tag him an ‘irresponsible man’ hopping from one woman to another.

Just so we know, besides Nigeria, polygamy is legal in 57 other countries namely: Algeria, Cameroon, Chad, Gabon, Libya, Kenya, Mali, Morocco, Senegal, South Africa, Tanzania, Uganda, Zambia, Guinea, The Gambia, Egypt, Central African Republic among others.

In Asia and Oceania, it is recognised in Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Bahrain, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Maldives, Oman, Qatar, Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Syria, United Arab Emirates, Yemen and Solomon Islands.

Why not trying to glorify polygamy, Urhobos must desist from our republican habit of trolling our few polygynous kinsmen because as stated above, it is practised not only among the 250 plus ethnic groups in Nigeria but also in 57 other countries across Africa, Asia and Oceania. It bears repeating that they should stop kneeling on their necks and cut them some slack.

Agbajileke is an Abuja-based journalist
E-mail: owede4real@yahoo.com_